The one with the Quotes that say Everything

Nice thing about just using quotes and plugging them in to form a blog post, is that you get to say things without actually saying them. It’s an easy escape route, and yet, you get to do the hell you please.

So here goes. First Steve’s Naked bottoms monologue from Coupling (Episode: Inferno), that Ochod reminded me of yesterday.

Look, I like naked women! I’m a bloke! I’m supposed to like them! We’re born like that. We like naked women as soon as we’re pulled out of one. Halfway down the birth canal we’re already enjoying the view. Look, it’s the four pillars of the male heterosexual psyche. We like: naked women, stockings, lesbians, and Sean Connery best as James Bond. Because that is what being a bloke is. And if you don’t like it, darling, join a film collective. I want to spend the rest of my life with the woman at the end of the table here. But that does not stop me wanting to see several thousand more naked bottoms before I die. Because that’s what being a bloke is. When Man invented fire, he didn’t say “Hey, let’s cook!” He said: “Great! Now we can see naked bottoms in the dark!” As soon as Caxton invented the printing press we were using it to make pictures of – hey! – naked bottoms. We’ve turned the Internet into an enormous international database of… naked bottoms. So, you see, the story of male achievement through the ages, feeble though it may have been, has been the story of our struggle to get a better look at your bottoms. Frankly, girls, I’m not so sure how insulted you really ought to be.

Watch the video, skip the mushy parts, and be a proud pervert ever after.

And now for my most favorite quote ever. I watched Happiness again recently, and I’m going to give you this recommendation: this movie is meant for when you’re most upset in life, when you’re low on confidence, and when you’re alone. I vote this is as the most depressing movie ever created. So anyway, Andy tells Joy after she breaks up with him:

You think I don’t appreciate art? You think I don’t understand fashion? You think I’m not hip? You think I’m pathetic? A nerd? A lard-ass fat-so? You think I’m shit? Well, you’re wrong, ’cause I’m champagne, and you’re shit. Until the day you die, you, not me, will always be shit.

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2 Responses to The one with the Quotes that say Everything

  1. Jayanth T N says:

    Another of Steve’s speeches that, strangely, Ochod and me were discussing, strangely again, last night:

    Steve: We are men! Throughout history, we have always needed, in times of difficulty, to retreat to our caves. It so happens that in this modern age, our caves are fully plumbed. The toilet is, for us, the last bastion, the final refuge, the last few square feet of man-space left to us! Somewhere to sit, something to read, something to do, and who gives a damn about the smell? Because that, for us, is happiness. Because we are *men.* We are different. We have only one word for soap. We do not own candles. We have never seen anything of any value in a craft shop. We do not own magazines fill of pictures of celebrities with all their clothes *on*. When we have conversations, we actually take it in turns to talk! But we have not yet reached that level of earth-shattering boredom and inhuman despair that we would have a haircut *recreationally*. We don’t know how to get excited about… really, *really* boring things, like ornaments, bath oil, the countryside, vases, small churches. I mean, we do not even know what, *what* in the name of God’s *ass* is the purpose of pot-pourri! Looks like breakfast, smells like your auntie! Why do we need that? So please, in this strange and frightening world, allow us one last place to call our own. This toilet, this blessed pot, this… fortress of solitude. You girls, you may go to the bathroom in groups of two or more. Yet we do not pass comment. We do not make judgment. That is your choice. But we men will always walk the toilet mile… alone.

  2. Arpan says:

    Haha…never thought I would find u guys here :) I didnt check out the names first….then my eyes landed on Ochod…and there can never be two of these :)

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