Nice thing about just using quotes and plugging them in to form a blog post, is that you get to say things without actually saying them. It’s an easy escape route, and yet, you get to do the hell you please.
So here goes. First Steve’s Naked bottoms monologue from Coupling (Episode: Inferno), that Ochod reminded me of yesterday.
Look, I like naked women! I’m a bloke! I’m supposed to like them! We’re born like that. We like naked women as soon as we’re pulled out of one. Halfway down the birth canal we’re already enjoying the view. Look, it’s the four pillars of the male heterosexual psyche. We like: naked women, stockings, lesbians, and Sean Connery best as James Bond. Because that is what being a bloke is. And if you don’t like it, darling, join a film collective. I want to spend the rest of my life with the woman at the end of the table here. But that does not stop me wanting to see several thousand more naked bottoms before I die. Because that’s what being a bloke is. When Man invented fire, he didn’t say “Hey, let’s cook!” He said: “Great! Now we can see naked bottoms in the dark!” As soon as Caxton invented the printing press we were using it to make pictures of – hey! – naked bottoms. We’ve turned the Internet into an enormous international database of… naked bottoms. So, you see, the story of male achievement through the ages, feeble though it may have been, has been the story of our struggle to get a better look at your bottoms. Frankly, girls, I’m not so sure how insulted you really ought to be.
Watch the video, skip the mushy parts, and be a proud pervert ever after.
And now for my most favorite quote ever. I watched Happiness again recently, and I’m going to give you this recommendation: this movie is meant for when you’re most upset in life, when you’re low on confidence, and when you’re alone. I vote this is as the most depressing movie ever created. So anyway, Andy tells Joy after she breaks up with him:
You think I don’t appreciate art? You think I don’t understand fashion? You think I’m not hip? You think I’m pathetic? A nerd? A lard-ass fat-so? You think I’m shit? Well, you’re wrong, ’cause I’m champagne, and you’re shit. Until the day you die, you, not me, will always be shit.